I wish I could just spill out with everything that is on my mind, everything that is bothering me, everything that is fucked up and making me act like a retarded little emo child that I have always hated. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I can't figure it out.
It seems like everyone is finally realizing that life isn't that bad, and that being happy actually is a "cool" thing. It's awesome, because I have always wanted things to work out for everyone like this.
I am not trying to complain about my friends, because I love my friends. If it weren't for them then I don't know what I would do. Everything just seems so miserable right now, and little things that people do and say are really starting to get to me.
It's one thing being used, but it's a whole nother thing when people talk about it. Don't ask what I am talking about, because I most likely wont tell you. I don't even know exactly what I am talking about. Because this is starting to make no sence at all.
Today Danyel and I were talking about what it would be like if we could forget everything and everyone and move away, just drop all of our memories. Some people think that a good solution is to move away and leave everything and everyone behind, but what good is that going to do? Memories are going to follow you wherever you go, and you can't do anything to stop it.
All these posts I have been writting about wanting a boyfriend, I take them all back. I have came to the realization that I am not worthy of being a girlfriend. (Thanks to some of my friends.) And right now, a boyfriend is the last thing I need. As much as I want someone to care about me on a personal level, and respect me and love me, I know that every good beginning has an end. Pulling a boyfriend into my life right now is just going to give me temperary security and euphoria, but I know it would eventually end. And then this would all happen over again.
In a way, I am kind of happy to go to South Carolina this summer. I really need to get away. I will miss a few people a lot, and I know I will come back here and everything is going to be the same and my problems are still going to be waiting for me to return. But I need to get away, I really need to get away.
Fuck, I am sorry that this was such a long entry. I'll go now.